Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. James 1:12.
Perseverance. The bible tell us that when we persevere, we will grow in maturity. Everything great in my life has been met with some type of obstacle. Each time, each obstacle has molded me, positioned me, humbled me and has allowed me to grow where God wants me to be. Usually when we think of obstacles, our minds can wander off to finances, relationships, careers, school, family and even faith.
Never in a million years did I think I would have to persevere through the death of my own child. However when I look back, I can see there were moments in time where God was preparing me to dig deep and to be strong. He has given me people who speak life into me, pray for me, encourage me and tell me what I need to hear both good and bad.
My worst day on this journey is when I was in Coin IA, waiting for the coroner to call me and tell me my daughter was ready to be viewed at the local mortuary. I was in the middle of no where in a small town in a hotel room all by myself. I couldn’t sleep, I was still in shock and I just needed someone to talk to. It was 3am when I called my good Friend and I just cried and cried. He let me cry and let me talk. It was such a relief to have someone answer my call and let me pour the weight of my world onto him. We laughed and we cried and he told me ‘Mel- you were built for this. God has been crafting you step by step and he has been preparing you many battles. This battle you are facing, so many would have crumbled. You are still standing strong. Your daughter is with you in spirit and when the dust settles, you are going to be that much stronger for it.’
I am still working on pushing through. I cry more often that I’d like to admit ( I am not a crier). I continue to walk in gratitude as much as I can and focus on what truly matters. When people ask me what are my core values- God is at the top of my list. He always has been. When I heard about Alexis, all I could do is draw near to him, I never strayed. Even in my anger, shock and confusion I stayed near to him. I have given so much to him to take from me and he has given me the grace to hold my head up high and has given me peace in my heart.
Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow I will perservere. Because I have faith, hope and most importantly God.