Before Alexis passed away I used to be so afraid of dying. When I would hear people talk about looking forward to dying, it was a thought that would give me anxiety. As I got older I realized those fears came from my father dying when I was only 10 years old. I was terrified of leaving my children behind just as my father left us. I did not want to die, I only wanted to grow old and watch my children grow old with me.
After Alexis passed away, those fears of dying have also left me. I am no longer afraid of that fate as I know one day we will all meet it. I do not wake up wanting to die, but I am no longer riddled with anxiety when I think about it. As a result I now pray for more understanding and wisdom about death. I recently finished reading a book called Proof of Heaven and in the book the author tries to describe how beautiful heaven is and how peaceful it is. One of the things the author wrote about that stood out to me was this- ‘If I had to describe Heaven in the simplest terms, it would be know that you are loved. Know that a creator loves and cares for you deeply. If I had to only use one word to describe heaven, it would be LOVE.’
To know God is to know many things, but above all is LOVE. God has taken my fears and has replaced them with Love, peace and understanding that surpasses all. 1st John 4:18 says ‘If we really love God, we will not be afraid of him. We cannot love him completely and also be afraid.’ Thank you Lord for taking away my fears, your word never returns void. I am no longer afraid and I love you more completely than I ever have before.