Today marks 3 months since Alexis has passed. I’m not quite sure how to look at that mark. The longest I have gone without talking to Alexis was 2 weeks. I keep going back to our last conversation, it was April 30th 8pm only a few hours before you went to bed. I vividly remember missing all the kids around me so I jumped on a Facetime call with Lexi and Liz. The 3 of us laughed so hard, it was what we all needed. Our laughing and joking with each other is our family’s way of saying ‘I love you and miss you.’ When I ended that call, I told Lexi 'I love you and good night' not knowing that would be our last conversation. Lexi moving to Iowa really changed the dynamic of our family- but it was what she needed. Lexi was in search of peace, she needed to be on her own and really blossom into what she envisioned herself to be. Living in Arizona was not what she wanted, she always talked about living in another state when she got older.
Although she only lived to be 22, she accomplished that dream of hers. She called my sister Madeline and within a few days, she found herself in Iowa with a fresh start. Alexis lived in Iowa for 3 months before she passed. She would often tell me how beautiful the rolling hills were and how much she appreciated the seasons changing, as that is not something we see in Phoenix. She started to read more often, write in her journal and really find the balance and peace she struggled to find here at home. She loved being around my sister and my niece, it reminded her of home.
The last 2 weeks before Alexis passed, she talked to me often. We missed each other, we had never been apart this long. She loved to give me status updates and would call/text me for advice. No matter the distance, or disagreements one thing is for certain- Alexis always wanted to make me proud and let me know she was okay. 3 months feels like an eternity, I look at your pictures, videos and social media and I get incredibly sad. To say I miss you is understatement- All I know to do, is look ahead, dig deep for strength, ask for God to guide me, lean on your siblings and be the best mommy I can be. I fall short most days, but every day I open my eyes I know God is telling me to try again. I love you Lex, happy 3 month heavenly anniversary. Come visit me in my dreams.